How true do memoirs need to be, exactly?
It’s a fair question: how true does your memoir need to be? This author examines why the “truth” is often not the same for everyone.
by Belinda Betker
The concept of truth has been queried and debated for centuries by philosophers, theologians, scientists, scholars, artists, lawyers, and everyday people. Understanding “the truth” can be problematic. Is there really any authoritative and universally accepted definition of truth, beyond the idea that “truth is fact” or that “truth is the opposite of anything that’s false”? Or is truth infallible, in that perhaps an airy description of “truth is what is true” will suffice? Beyond that, do dictionary definitions offer enough explanation and understanding of the differences between true, truth, and fact?
Truth is an even more complicated concept when considering personal truth, which can tilt from factual truth by varying degrees. Is your experience of personal truth actually true if your childhood memory differs from the version of a sibling or parent or any other person who was in the same place at the same time? Every person who was there might have their own account of what they saw, heard, or experienced in the exact same situation; so, whose version is true? If it is, in fact, true that truth is both malleable and mutable, it can become a slippery slide into overthinking “the truth.” Are these too many considerations and questions to occupy yourself with when you’re writing a memoir? The truth is: yes … and no, maybe so, or maybe not. There’s that infallibility again!
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Memoirs can take many forms, including poetry, screenplays, plays, lists, essays, and of course, book-length manuscripts. Whatever their form, memoirs rely on personal truth-telling. Reasons to write memoirs are many: aspiring to publication; writing for mental health, personal therapy, or personal reflection; taking revenge; seeking forgiveness; trying to make sense of the world; or sharing family history.
Is your experience of personal truth actually true if your childhood memory differs from someone else’s? The truth is: yes … and no, maybe so, or maybe not.
Perhaps the first thing to consider about memoir writing is to ask yourself why. Memoir writing, by its very nature, depends on truth-telling. Why lay bare your frailties, mistakes, humiliations, and fears? Why risk the exposure of your deepest, and perhaps darkest, self? Many people are irresistibly drawn to read memoirs because they foster a sense of community and greater connection to the larger world. The memoirist’s life might be similar or very different compared to our own, but the more honest and specific the writer is, the greater the opportunity for us to relate to the writer’s emotional journey. That’s the power of memoir: resonance and connection to others.
If you choose to write a memoir, no matter what form you decide on, you must write your experiences the way you personally remember them. Avoid overconcerning yourself at first with the objective facts. Focus instead on the subjective feelings of your experiences.
Once you have a first draft, the next step is fact-checking as much as possible, especially regarding childhood memories. It can be challenging to consult with relatives and friends, as their versions of history may be very different from yours. Be sensitive and aware that writing your version may cause hurt to others. It’s your call when others’ “facts” are in conflict with your memory. You have to determine how much your authentic truth matters in each instance, but what resonates as real for you can still align with some degree of others’ accounts of reality.
What matters most in memoir writing is truly writing what you know. The authenticity of what is real for you, and the truth of your emotions and your personal journey is the key. You can feel when your writing resonates as true within you, and that will affect your readers and listeners the same way.
So, go ahead: be true to you, and write your truth as you’ve experienced it.
Belinda Betker (a.k.a. Dyke Van Dick) is a prairie-born writer whose first book, Phases, is a poetic memoir revealing a tomboy’s coming-of-age journey through to coming out in mid-life and performing as a title-holding drag king. Her poetry and award-winning haiku are also published online and in various anthologies, literary journals, and chapbooks. Belinda is a founding member of two long-running Saskatoon writing groups: Sisters’ Ink and The Obsessors, and was also a founding member of the Saskatoon Writers’ Collective. Belinda lives in Saskatoon with her Australian wife and their rescue dog, a springer-spaniel/terrier cross.