On Thanksgiving 2019, Betsy Gall’s life was upended when her physician husband committed suicide. Now, she’s written a book to share her experience.

by Betsy Gall

I was living the American dream. Married to an oncologist with three healthy children, life was pretty darn good. That all changed on Thanksgiving Day of 2019, when my “life of the party” physician husband took his own life. Matthew Taylor Gall, M.D., M.S., who had devoted his entire life to saving lives, was dead at the young age of forty-nine.

In the aftermath of Matthew’s suicide, I grieved, I cried, and I searched for answers. How could this happen? Why did this happen? I learned later through reading and research that while doctors save lives every single day, burnout, depression, and suicide are putting their own lives at risk. On average, a physician dies by suicide each day in the U.S. Yet many doctors are reluctant to seek care for mental health issues for fear of losing their medical licenses or being perceived as incapable of performing their job duties. For my husband, Matthew, practicing medicine was more than just a way to make a living. Matthew knew he wanted to be a doctor at the age of three. It was a calling for him. He was compassionate and caring. His patients meant the world to him.

While the number of physicians who die by suicide each year is higher than many other professions, my husband, Dr. Matthew Gall, was so much more than a statistic. He loved life, and his personality was actually larger than life! Matthew was a fantastic father to our three children, Grady, Gavin, and Sophie. We nicknamed him “Fun Guy.” He was a wonderful friend and a really great physician. We had many happy memories over our twenty-year marriage. We loved going to concerts, spending time at our family cabin, throwing parties, and making friends laugh. Matthew especially loved grilling, keeping an immaculate lawn, the Pittsburgh Steelers, mountain biking, and skiing.

Unfortunately, physician suicide is a trend. One million patients lose their doctors to suicide every single year.

Matthew’s battle with depression came on suddenly and without warning. We had recently moved from our home in Minnesota to North Carolina, where Matthew had taken a new job with a small oncology practice. In a matter of a few weeks, I began to notice changes in Matthew’s vibrant personality. He went from being at the top of his game to not being able to get off the couch. It was so strange and out of character for him. Matthew stopped sleeping, exercising, grilling, and even mowing the lawn. He stopped doing things that he had been passionate about before. Yet he continued to muster the strength to go to work. I knew things had taken a turn for the worst when one day Matthew came home from work and said, “I love my patients, but I hate my job” and “I don’t think I can be a doctor anymore.”

I wrote the book documenting our tragedy because I felt called to do so. I am passionate about sharing my family’s story in order to help others. I hope that by sharing our story, through my book and various speaking engagements, that I can help prevent heartbreak for other physician families. I hope it helps somebody in some small way.

My book is my true-life story about love, physician suicide, and finding comfort and purpose in the aftermath. Illusion of the Perfect Profession is a culmination of my journals, my letters to God, and my journey with faith throughout this horrific, traumatic experience that left my family shattered and asking how this could happen.

Unfortunately, physician suicide is a trend. One million patients lose their doctors to suicide every single year. This is a subject that unfortunately needs to be widely discussed in order to help change a system that is undoubtedly broken. We must continue to be candid and rigorous, and we must keep talking about a subject that, sadly, is not going away. When that day comes, and hopefully it will, we can be quiet. Until then, we must be brave when exploring darkness—because it is there we will discover the boundless power of our light.

Betsy Gall, her three children, Grady, Gavin, Sophie, and their dog, Liberty, split their time between Charlotte, North Carolina, and Minneapolis, Minnesota, where she focuses on faith, family, and friends. Betsy is an active real estate agent, investor, landlord, and habitual remodeler. She speaks all over the country about physician suicide after her oncologist husband, Dr. Matthew Gall, tragically and unexpectedly took his own life on Thanksgiving Day in 2019. Betsy loves to downhill ski, spend time at her lake home, and exercise. In addition, she continues to give back to Angel Foundation and the Dr. Lorna Breen Foundation.